Ditch the goals….build the systems

Whenever we enter a new year, the air is thick with talk of new year resolutions. What you should have in your resolutions. How you should go about deciding what makes the list etc etc.

Rarely do we hear talk about what systems need to be in place to make the achievement of those resolutions remotely possible. No wonder that before the end of January, most people become disillusioned and give up on their resolutions for that year.

I’ll give you an example. As a music educator, I have the privilege of interacting with many amazing families from all over the world, many of who, mostly, want the same thing. Well rounded children who excel in the arts as well as the sciences. They want to give their children as many skills as possible so they have options in life.

I fully understand that sentiment as a mother of three, now grown children.

What is often missing though is the parent’s understanding of how to sustain that dream over a long period of time.

The most successful music parents that I see are those who integrate the child’s music education as a lifestyle choice for the entire family. Not just for the child.

They are often within earshot of the lesson and / or practice. They regularly listen to the child’s practice and offer their suggestions or words of encouragement – you don’t have to be a trained muscian to be able to share a helpful comment!

The musical instrument is positioned in the heart of the home. Not in a dingy, underused and uderloved space which subconsciously communicates the idea that learning to play an instrument is a form of punishment.

I go into a lot more depth in this webinar – Successful Music Parenting.

In a nutshell, the less you focus on goals, and the more you focus on the systems and processes that are required for success, the more likely you will see the success you seek.

So parents, ditch the goals. Build the systems. And watch your babies soar!

My name is Kunbi Osinoiki, wife, mother, daughter and CEO of Kunbi’s Music Company.

Transitioning…

All glory to God! Yesterday marked the end of our last Christmas term as parents of a school age child.

In 2023, we will slowly but surely experience more “last ofs” as we march inexorably towards the end of our daughter’s final year of secondary (high) schooling. How time flies. Exactly 25 years of nursery, primary and secondary schooling is coming to an end. A phase of life that was incredibly intense and exhausting, physically, emotionally and financially.

As we slowly emerge out of this phase of life, I am grateful to have done so with my hubby and closest friend still by my side. At one point in our lives, we didn’t think we would get through this phase of our parenting journey with our relationship intact. The fact that we will and that we eagerly anticipate doing life together as empty nesters is a testament to the grace, kindness and patience of God. He saw us through and He continues to be the anchor for our souls and our relationship.

Underneath all of who we are and who we are becoming are indeed the Everlasting Arms. ❤

Please help me buy a Soundbeam!

Dear friends and followers,

I would be so very grateful if you could please help me raise the funds needed to purchase a Soundbeam 6 musical instrument for our work with children living with disabilities in Lagos Nigeria.

Please watch the video and donate whatever you can towards the €3,500 goal. God bless you as you do. Please share with your network and acquaintances also.

Here is the link to donate: https://gofund.me/898250ce

Thank you.
Kx

The fleeting gift of childhood is gone in a heartbeat.

It’s hard to believe that this gorgeous photo of my daughter was taken 18 years ago. We were at her baby music class and the professional photographer that was hired for the day perfectly captured the concentration on her face as she listened in rapt attention to instructions for the next activity.

Memories from the years that I took my three children to baby and toddler music classes will be with me forever. Those days are a precious, everlasting gift to me in particular because the children do not remember them as vividly as I do. Nevertheless, they associate their fleeting memories of those sessions with great fondness and happiness. And that matters. A lot.

The American Psychological Association is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States. In a paper published in November 2018, they found that people who have fond memories of childhood, specifically their relationships with their parents, tend to have better health, less depression and fewer chronic illnesses as adults – and that this remained true even for people in middle and older adulthood.

It turns out that being intentional about building loving relationships with your children pays off in the long run, and like all relationships, the more time you spend having quality shared experiences, the stronger the bond. Think of how much time you spent wooing your crush for instance. The same way, your baby or toddler needs your undivided attention on a regular basis. 

When my children were younger, our weekly music playdates gave me both an opportunity and an excuse to bond with each of them in a distraction-free environment.  The classes were away from home so I could not be tempted by never ending chores. I also scheduled them in my diary, so I could legitimately decline meetings or engagements that fell in that time slot.

In those sessions, I caught glimpses into each child’s character in ways that I would have missed at home, as they interacted with other children and adults in the room.  I was able to gently coach them on how to behave in a structured, public environment; to patiently wait their turn to be given the next musical instrument or prop. To learn to respect and follow instructions from another person of authority outside our home. To be proud of themselves when they were able to tap that rhythm or sing that new song (almost) word perfect. To negotiate with a fellow toddler who wanted the same toy without hitting, biting, spitting or crying. All of these dynamics were happening even while we were singing “The Wheels on the Bus” for the hundreth time.  It was a chaotic, yet beautiful and magical experience all at once.

In whichever way you choose to bond with your baby, protect it. Ring-fence it. Schedule it to happen as frequently as possible. And when it does, be fully present. Turn off your phone or leave it in another room or in your car. Because before long, you too will be sharing your children’s photo, like the one above, reminiscing about the days gone by, never to return, when they were still small enough to sit in your lap.

Childhood is a gift, not so much to the children, but to the adults in their lives. Cherish it.

And you will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart …

And God said to a people that He had caused to go into captivity, while they were in captivity:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

This assurance was given to a people denied of their liberty, as part of God’s plan for them.

Sometimes, what could look like a “bad” thing to an outside observer could be God’s perfect will for you. (Ironically those who were not taken away as captives were utterly destroyed by their enemies. Their so called freedom made them vulnerable to annihilation).

God gave the captives a profound promise to be with them in the midst of their captivity: 

Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 

When you search for something with all your heart – you leave no stone unturned until you find it.

You never give up until you find it. You cannot rest. Your mind is not at ease, until you find it. You are unable to sleep even as your mind works non-stop to solve the riddle, to find the answer.

Finding Him and His will alone takes precedence over everything else. You cannot stand still. You are constantly in motion, trying different things until you find the solution. You don’t give up. And when you search of Him with all your heart, God promises:

I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.

Ultimately, the one who trusts in God in all seasons, and who finds Him in all circumstances, whether good or bad – will never lack peace, and will therefore always know freedom in their hearts, whether that person is physically free or not.

Jer 29:11‭-‬14 NKJV

It’s my birthday today.

And I am so grateful to God for the journey of the last 25 x 2 years.

As I look in the mirror, I see myself, 25 years ago, a first time mum to a three month old gorgeous boy with whom I was (and continue to be) besotted. I had just started a new role as an IT consultant with a firm in the UK and my husband was rapidly rising in his career at the time as an computer programmer. Three years later, I packed in my consultancy job to sing nursery rhymes to children, as I could not bear the thought of someone else looking after my son after school.

I bought into an early years music education franchise in the UK and I fell heads over heels in love with the work. Although the hours were long and the pay was a pittance, I drew strength from the joyful expressions on the faces of (most) of the mums and children whenever they came through the doors for their weekly singalong. I loved watching the children grow out of their car seats and start toddling around the room, paying no attention (it seemed) to my crashing cymbals and unending chorus of “Everybody do this”. I said to myself, I would do this for five years, until my little boy was attending school full time and then I would go back into the corporate world.

Fast forward to today, and I am still creating music learning experiences for children. I never did make it back into corporate life but I did spend some time in education, working in various schools in the UK, supporting children with special education needs and also as an administrator to busy special needs departments in schools.

I still love the way the process of learning music affects children’s lives in the most profound ways. I now have a team of passionate educators and administrators working with me to impact children’s lives through music and every single one of them are joyful witnesses to the power of music to change the narrative of children’s lives.

In 25 years time, on the third anniversary of my 25th birthday, when I look in the mirror again, I would love to gaze upon a sea of innumerable children whose lives and life outcomes have been transformed through music.

Too many children in my beloved home country and continent, have little or no experience of touching a musical instrument until their late teens. I know this because some of those children are on my team today, using the skills they first acquired in their late teens or as young adults.

Access to structured music making experiences are out of the reach of the majority of the Nigerian population, despite the huge impact that our music is having on the world.

So I wish to change that narrative for one child. I don’t know his or her name, I don’t know what they look like, but I do know that if they are able to connect with quality music learning experiences, it will change their life story forever.

I have no need for more clothes, shoes or bags. There are not enough days in the year to wear them all in any case. What I do need is your hand behind my back, propelling me forward towards touching one child’s life at a time, and helping that child to grow in confidence, character, cognition, creativity and courage.

My team and I will be grateful for every kobo, cent, pence, shillings, rupees or any currency that you can spare. Please email “Making A Difference” – mad@kunbismusiccompany.com to find out ways in which you can support this cause.

And thank you, for wishing me a happy 25th birthday – reloaded. :)x

When Life is Stranger than Fiction

In a few days time, it will be the 2nd anniversary of the day the Nigerian government announced the very first nationwide lockdown on account of the COVID pandemic.  

I remember the fear and uncertainty that many of us felt at the time. The worries around job security and concerns for the safety and wellbeing of our nearest and dearest.  The grief and loss that we experienced on so many levels – loss of liberty, livelihoods, lifestyles and loved ones.

Just when it seemed as if COVID was finally loosening it’s grip on our lives, we were hit by a tsunami of fuel scarcity, power cuts, rising inflation, plummeting foreign exchange rates, political uncertainty and a war that has the potential to engulf the entire planet. Nobody could have predicted any of this in February 2020!  

If only one could curl up in a ball and wait for the waves to blow over! Sadly, most of us haven’t got the luxury of time nor the means to remain in a foetal position for any length of time.  We are mandated by the pressures of our primal need for food, shelter and clothing to rise each morning, put one foot in front of the other, and try to navigate our way through the chaos, to make some meaning out of multiple meaningless situations.  

One thing that hasn’t changed however, is the power of music to lift the mood, elevate our perspective and let a glint of light through.  Music is able to transport us from a miserable place to one of deep joy and peace.  From sadness and sorrow to  quiet and rest. 

So I want to encourage you to make room for music in your lives at this time. Allow it to penetrate the walls of your home, bringing with it, tranquillity and peace. 

Follow the link below for a relaxing classical music playlist that you might enjoy.  Even if classical music is not your thing, today might be your lucky day!